Chapter 14.
Of Our Bodies
What an eid..
Fact. First day of Eid starting from Chaand Raat (a night on which we're used to not seeing an actual CHAAND anymore) till the end of the first Eid night, more than a crore and a half worth of booze was sold in Karachi alone.
Fact. I didn't see any of this booze.
I don't know how reliable my source was though. You ever had one of those friends who exaggerates a story just so it's crazy enough to be possible? That's where I got this news from. I never used to ask people to double check their info...even as a kid. I only recently started treating the internet as a means to find things which contradict stuff my friends say...but I spend so much time alone in my room working out this endeavour, that I don't think I've talked to any of my friends in weeks. But day before yesterday....that all changed. And I'm glad...because I had fun.
We ROLLED! Apparently that esteemed title of an action no longer represents the art of actually, ROLLING a cigarette, filled with some form of herbal drug of course...unless you're fuck bored and have about half an hour to kill before your mom hands you a plate of goodies that you drool over only to find you have to deliver them to neighbours you despise because everytime THEY send a dish which traditionally has meat in it...they replace it with aloo?
Khair so yea rolling...apparently....as everyone now seems to be aware...this represents being on a little drug called ECSTACY. It really is a little fucker of a pill. A little round lie, that makes all your dreams come true...even if it IS only in your head. And I thought I had wild thoughts BEFORE...my God. And I stay away for months at a time between the new found ROLLING nights too. Not because I don't think I can take it or anything...but because frankly it get's in the way of my drinking...and that is something I won't stand for. You thought RETALIN kept you awake. This thing is like forgetting you ever slept, with all the mental harmony produced by seven orgasms with none of the physical effects of actually going THROUGH seven fucking orgasms which include dizziness, nausea, and a sudden urge to be very uninterested in what some chick is saying to you, especially if she's a lesbian you just met.
We went to the beach. THE BEACH YEA THE BEACH! LETS GO TO THE BEACH! I LOVE THE BEACH YAAAR LETS GO TO THE BEACH YES BEACH LETS BEACH!
Fuck the beach...I wanna watch TV...I wanna watch TV on the beach....wheres the microwave? How do I heat this popcorn? Fucking beach...I gotta start up a fuckin' MOTOR generate with DIESEL in it to make two lights and a fuckin' FAN work? This is what that marvellous drive a fuckin' hour and a half long was for? I don't even think this is our HUT! Where's the air conditioning?
So we go to the beach. The only group of friends I'm proud to call just that was there...the WHOLE group...and it was a fun filled night of very loud music and very cold sand. Very good booze and very shiny stars. Very much dancing but unfortunately very few women...but it was Eid...and we had serious catching up to do in the intoxicant department of our bodies, what with all that damage Ramadan had left behind.
What I seem to love about E is how nothing seems to matter anymore. Someone could come up and slap you in the face and you still wouldn't have anything against him. It's only days later that you would realise what a slam to your honour that probably was and become corrupted once again by these mortal, EARTHLY thoughts...leading you to plan twisted ways to make that dude cry.
No sir, not when you're ROLLING. Everyone you EVER had a problem with seems to be the most ridiculous thing in the world...and you wish everyone you knew was right there with you so you could tell them how much you love them. And when they laugh and tell you you're drunk or ROLLING, for the first time...you might actually agree and not feel bad about it.
The best part about it is how your friends become all SWEET and shit. Like everyones always asking if you want their seat, or some water, or some booze, if you want the doors closed, or the fan off, or ON...people become HELLA accomodating when they're ROLLING...I think it's because no one cares to remember the usual approach to life that most Karachiites have...every man for himself.
Everything seems like a great idea when you're trippin' too. I mean fuck sliced bread...fuck the light bulb...let's throw drops of red bull in the air and see how many each of us can catch with our armpits...that, is the GREATEST fucking idea anyone could EVER have had. Forget abolishing slavery...
They mix and match actions too! "Dude, DUDE! Check this out...hold your head to this wall...you doing it? you got it? okay now...with your head still pressed to the wall...QUICKLY! DRINK THIS RED BULL!"
Anyone listening in will immediately try it as well...its like that old show where that old storyteller tells people of a magic rock he pulls out of his balls he claims to be able to make any soup taste great. He keeps adding things to a pot of boiling water with a fuckin' ROCK inside it....only to suggest at the end when everyone agrees the soup was great, that it was all because of the rock.
Here's a fun thing to do...if you're ever ROLLING with your closest friends...somewhere near PEAK time...go up to one of them and say the following:
"Dude....dude...check this okay? Just fuckin' CHECK it dude...blow your mind it will. See my hands alright? KEEP LOOKING AT THEM MOTHERFUCKER! See the lights I'm holding? Alright....alright keep lookin' at em...you see how they're leaving trails? Keep FOLLOWIN' the lights boy...nothing but my hands....nothing but the lights....you see em? You staring right at em, right? This is so gonna trip you out....Keep watching....watching....now QUICK!
Suck my balls."
Eid Mubarak, world.
