Shoulder To Shoulder

Chapter 28.

Announce Our Intelligence

You know what's worse than your politicians pissing in your backyard? Some other country's politicians pissing in your backyard. No body, no proof, buried in the ocean before anyone even confirmed what had happened, you heard it everywhere first. Osama Bin Laden is dead. And so close to the Royal wedding too. I knew something was up when Pakistani news channels suddenly found the balls to show a couple kiss on national TV. I imagine it's ok when royalty does it but Meera can suck it because she's just a whore trying to further her career. I knew a big ass white wedding (and I do mean WHITE) and the world's most notorious public enemy being caught and killed over the same fucking weekend is too much of a feel good overdose for everyone in the West for it to be able to end well for anyone in the East.

Abbottabad? Seriously? Did we really need this kind of attention? For all we know the guy's walking around with a big ol' smile on his shaven unrecognizable face in the middle of New York, laughing at the headlines, standing shoulder to shoulder with idiots holding candles at ground zero using their one free hand to tweet their feelings.

So your ministers have finally started treating this country like the failing business it's always been credited as. They immediately announce our intelligence had no involvement in the operation that killed him and the 5 or 6 members of his posse, forgetting what a basketful of douches they looked like that 25 Navy Seals can fly into someone's private residence on 4 helicopters in the middle of Abbottabad and they don't have a clue it's even happening. Not to mention the house was less than half a fucking mile from our most revered military training academy, which probably cost the men in black robes a little bit extra.

Does anyone even really think this is real? C'mon...give me ONE photograph. And not now that you have all the time in the world to doctor one to your liking and send it out, one of which is already out there. Yes, it's fake. They're usually all about the autopsies...this time the man considered to be the most horrible thing since Hitler (before FOX news compared him to Obama) is killed and tossed underwater before news of his death even hits the press, and why? Now we're following Islamic burial laws.

You gotta give it to them. They've done it again. In the face of the impossible scenario that a black man would have trouble being elected for a second tenure as president (sarcasm check), and a man who runs a reality show called The Celebrity Apprentice, wearing something on his head that can only be described as roadkill being the predicted frontrunner in next year's U.S elections, it only seems right that the one move that could serve as a saving grace for Mr. Yes We Can is to be remembered as the guy under whose term the beard was killed. Not caught. Killed. What a hero. He sat through the entire operation in a small room, watching intently at a screen as a man with a camera for some reason was allowed to click away in a room where discretion is ordinarily the number one concern.

You'd think they'd make a bigger noise about this. I thought it'd go on for a few days atleast but Osama's death is already sharing airtime with a whole bunch of other issues like some orphanage in Zambia and more locally, something about our political parties signing some paper joining hands in an effort to be useless as a TEAM from now on instead of individually. I don't mind of course, world keeps on turning...I'm just surprised is all. Almost like they wanna wrap this thing up real quick and make a huge thing that'll draw on for months and months. Something like why the fuck he was chilling in a fucking HOUSE in your God damn country.

Apart from all the twisted propaganda and lies that will surely follow in the coming months...I would like to clear one thing up...there's no way I'm believing that glorified SHACK they found him in was a million dollar piece of property. I doubt load shedding even spared the poor bastard and his last moments on Earth probably went by fanning his hot sweaty face with this month's copy of The Jihadi Times. But since the Yanks probably paid for it they'd know better.

So the aftermath? More bombs? More deaths? Politicians stuffing their pockets with proverbial peanuts and securing mansions in European countries while U.S forces use this incident as an excuse to increase their presence here? I don't know. But like I said. This country is more like a company going bankrupt now. A merger or takeover ensures its survival for atleast a short while. And like any merger, its only smart to leave the employees to their jobs since they know the work better. Always use locals whenever you can. Masses tend to trust faces they recognise more than a stranger.

But thank you, Osama Bin Laden, for dying and giving the global press ample footage of something we've all wanted to see for a very long time. Finally, those holier than thou Yankee Doodles with their skin deep falsified sense of political correctness can be seen jumping up and down celebrating someone's death like the uneducated, backward brown people they fear so much who burn flags and party their asses off every time a white guy gets so much as run over by a car. We now have footage of mass ignorant behaviour by these guys holding signs saying rude things to a deceased man. The East and the West are now truly one, thanks to Osama Bin Laden.

By the way...for those of you who don't know...as a result of this incident the most wanted man in the world is now Robert Pattinson.

Keep up the drama.

Chapter 27.

To Remind You All

Religion. It's the oldest trick in the book. Ever since man was able to write anything down he started with a lie. A truth is something people understand without the need for any indoctrination. It's only lies that ever needed actual explaining. Now...thousands of years after the inception of faith in something beyond the mortal world...the acts justified in the name of flying balls of light with infinite power have taken a sharp, very HUMAN turn. Last night, in an attempt to raise the amount of aid given to us by foreign pockets claiming it necessary for the fight against terror, the Pakistani government coordinated and sanctioned an attack on one of it's own buildings in Karachi City, with the help of the very people they're supposed to be at war with. I truly believe this to be true. I'm writing it though...so it could be a lie.

You know you're in a bad place when a 1000 kg of explosives are used to raze a building to the ground and the first thing you think is thank God only 17 people died. It's getting so bad in this country we're almost forgetting all the hell breaking loose outside of it.

I'm not political. I'm not religious. I don't even think I'm smart anymore. I used to think I'm above the rest in some way. Hoped to God I was infact. That I was special, more brave, more grounded, more sure of how everything works no matter how ugly it may seem than everyone else. But last night I feared for a lot more people than I can even remember caring about till now. It's annoying feeling that weak. So weak that you could take a gun and just put a bullet in the rat bastard that orchestrated this attack. But you know the truth...gift wrapped, beaten, tied, ready to be killed, nailed to a God damn chair in an empty isolated warehouse sitting three feet from you...you still wouldn't be able to pull the trigger to end the life of the man who was responsible for the deaths of 17 people.

The truth is the buildings in Karachi aren't the only thing that were shaken by this blast last night. It was our faith in good. But I hear we only lose things that those things may have a
chance to find US instead. It's not normal to forget about this in a couple of days, but thats exactly what's going to happen. Though I don't feel sad about it anymore. Everyone's out to set their facebook status to say what happened. Some even try to plug something noble or constructive they were up to at the time they felt the shake. Nabeel was helping a dog with three legs find a home when the earth shook. Nazish was helping an old man put on diapers when the bomb went off so he shit himself before she even could. Basit was building a fucking orphanage with nothing but a spoon and some God damn steel rulers. Then there's always that one fat fuck who was just at McDonalds scarfing down a mac when he spilt ketchup on his shirt which exposes that chubby well he calls a damn stomach through the little spaces between the buttons because the vibrations in the ground were so strong. Atleast a couple of them have the decency to say hope everyone's safe...forgetting that anyone who isn't wouldn't exactly be logged onto Zuckerbergs social fucking network at the time.

We've got problems...this isn't the first time anyone's saying it, but how much longer can we keep up the drama of reacting to these incidents like they're phasing us in any way? Yet if we go on pretending like nothing's happened, how in hell is it ever going to change?

You're not the president of a country. You don't have a civic duty to comdemn bomb attacks then continue to do absolutely dick all about them. When the time comes to pick a side, and I mean REALLY comes...who will you stand with? Humans? Or humanity? Since the beginning of time, wars end only when one side has lost...and you'll know which side did when you see the trail of dead leading you it. Both sides warring in the world today have equal strength...and its the people in the middle with none of it that end up paying the highest price. In this war, there are only two sides. But the side we're supposed to be fighting for, survives on faith alone. You can't see it because your judgment has been clouded by powers pretending to be rivals. Everyone fails to notice one side essentially says God is obsolete, and the other is saying God is violent and backwards. These are your options. And they're one and the same.

This world peace we all hope for...its the absence of war. It's an illusion. A blanket over our eyes woven by lesbians and vegetarians whose idea of a battlefield is a rally holding picket signs saving cows from slaughter and the right to get married. We're skipping ahead of the REAL problems. But you're far too many explosions away from realizing that. That's why this continues.

Even now I'm typing this shit in the same word file I've been collecting jokes for a stand up set in the near future. THAT'S how much I care. The headline in the morning paper reads "Bomb and gun battle rocks Karachi". Like it's a Sunday Images review of a two band concert. An intense opening with an explosive finish. A review by some social whore who wouldn't know art if it raped him and threw him down six flights of stairs then came up to him and said "Hi. I'm art." Some superstar reporter making the big bucks by just telling us what someone with a REAL job or agenda did last night. Critics and reporters are so very alike. But I swear this isn't going on the list of possible jokes. Not only because it's not show worthy...but because I think it's crude to make light of bomb blasts that kill people. I'd rather stick to simple sarcasm.

The blast last night, was to remind you all what your lives are. And that you must continue to live, as humans, if you remember what that even means anymore, even in the face of madness. But the time will come sooner than you think, to pick a side. Your choice is going to be the death of someone, and at this point, all you can hope for is that you don't know them personally.

Now go and pray for the dead. And try not to whore out to brownie points from your friends by TELLING them you are. Prayers are a lot like wishes that way. They only work if you're fucking humble. Push it all into that big box labelled "the PAST" in your little head, and look towards the future. There's going to be a lot of work to do soon, let's see if we're up to it.

Dark and hopeless.

Chapter 26.

The Good Times

It’s finally happened. The one thing I could do in this world without feeling guilty about it. Laugh. Not so sure I can anymore. Somehow, it just doesn’t seem right. I’m forcing it like crazy everywhere I go. I smile and laugh when people expect me to. It’s all a front. Can’t let them feel anything is wrong.

I wonder if it’s ok to write about this. If I’m even ready.

March 7th, 2010. That’s the day my brother died.

When you first find out it’s happened…it gets a little hard to breathe. But you compose yourself. You try to remember one really fun moment you had with him and take control over your emotions. There’s a couple who gave birth to him and raised him with all their love and support, and they’re sitting in the next room, clueless about what’s happened.

I’m glad. Better their son tell them than some over emotional friend 4000 miles away on a phone line with a delay that’ll only get worse with the bubbling and spitting brought on by incessant tears. Try to think about the good times, a friend says to me the next day. I’ve heard this line before. It’s usually spoken by people who seem much better at moving on with their lives than I am. Someone I knew a million years ago called a few days after it happened. Offered their condolences. Very nice of them. Very correct. Very proper. Not about me or my family. Just about convincing themselves they still care about some 3 people they were once tied to emotionally. Women are LIKE that I notice. Asked me if I’m still hating the world. Horrible thing to say at a time like this. I wonder if I should say, "I don't know, you still a lying slut who dates four men at the same time and lies about it? Maybe I'll wait for your brother to die. Good reason to call you someday. I'll ask you that horrid question then. I hope he dies. Honestly. I never liked the fucker."

I’m not moving on. My brother threw himself off the roof of a building in downtown Montreal. A twelve story hotel. And I’m going to find out why. Unfortunately…I kinda already know.

When I was 13 years old, my brother told me he didn’t expect to live past 30. I took it as a Cobain moment and thought nothing of it. He’d already been playing that annoying instrument for 4 or 5 years now. It was having a less than desirable effect on him. At least in MY eyes.

I don’t wish to skip out on any names of people that came and showed their support. But this is an opportunity for me to remind myself and everyone reading this who I truly believe were and still are my brother’s closest friends and MINE, in terms of their help and support on the days following his death.

Salman Madani
Shohaib Ahmed
Ali Reza
Fateeha Beg
Mariam Shah
Khawer Khan
Faraz Masood Shah
Umayr Tariq Jamil
Mohammed Sibtain Fazli
Hassaan Azhar
Omar Bilal Akhtar, for holding a beautiful tribute in his name which reminded us to celebrate his life and music more than mourning his death.
Samay Shams

And VERY importantly, Aqueeb Qadri. Who was a great friend of his and was unfortunately placed in the position of being the bearer of bad news from Montreal, and went out of his way to be incredibly helpful with handling all matters concerning the family from his end. Again, if I’m leaving out any names it’s just because I’m not and haven’t been completely in my senses these past few weeks. But just so you know…I don’t intend to start anytime soon.

For those of you who didn’t know my brother, turns out you can’t tell much about him from his many photographs surrounded by his many friends. He seems to always be smiling in them…which is confusing to me now…seeing as this is a man who chose to leave this world behind him. He’s SO much further away from worldly requirements now…given there’s a heaven and what not. I’m sure they’d make one especially for him. But from the pictures…you’d never be able to tell something was troubling him. Clearly though…something was. They picked up pieces of my brother from a sidewalk in front of a hotel. He was 29 years old, a free spirit, a beautiful man, a brilliant artist, a super talented guitarist and a highly gifted musician. He came back home as a wooden box with a serial number on it. People were struggling to get the straps cut just so they could take a good look for themselves. He always knew how to be the main event on any given night.

For those of you…that DID know my brother…thank you. Most of you were there pretty much throughout that hellish ordeal no decent human beings should ever have to go through alone. You made it as easy as it could be to face the fact that after 26 years of having my ass kicked by solid skin and bones, I suddenly find myself an only child.

I see him everywhere I go now. He walks right beside me, begging me to change my way of thinking.

"So...you still hating the world?"

At the time, my answer was that it comes and goes. But now I’m much more sure. Now, more than ever before, I believe I hate this world and everything in it. See my brother didn’t have it in him to see the world the way I see it. The way it really is. Dark and hopeless. There are things happening out there you just CAN’T write songs about. It wouldn’t make sense putting something as inspiring as music to something so corrupt. He’s standing next to me right now. He’s asking me to see the brighter side of this dark hole. And I can’t. I tell myself I’m arrogant enough to say I WON’T, but the truth is…I really just can’t.

This world is an evil place. It pushed him over the edge. He didn’t understand it. All he wanted to do was fly…and it didn’t let him. Just kept attacking him with formalities and deadlines and other plain worldly crap that makes numb, senseless beings of once spirited men. They won against you, but they didn’t win against him. They couldn’t break him. He knew his lot in life. He knew his choices and his priorities. And he’s in a better place because he just isn’t here anymore. And we have the nerve to feel sad about his passing, just because we’re convinced that living like what we consider a normal human being is actually a better way to go than death itself.

He had no evil in him. He was incapable of hate. No matter how hard I tried…I couldn’t ever get him to dislike ANYTHING. It annoyed and frustrated me but only till about two weeks ago. Now I understand it all. He was better than anyone I ever met in my life. He had so much more to teach me…now I feel I would’ve listened so much more carefully. I could’ve spoken to him more often. I could’ve saved him. But he made his choice. And now I’ve made mine.

There’s no saving any of you. He loved the world so much he had to die just to rid himself of the pain of seeing everything that happens here on a daily basis. But I won’t die so soon. And that’s unfortunate for you. Because that’s what I finally realized. All the hatred and evil that should’ve been in him…has always been somewhere else. And it’s been growing. Now twenty fold. It’s me. And even though a piece of good from my brother now lives in me, it only serves as a motivating factor to burn this shithole to the fucking ground. I now have enough good in my heart to know who to save. And finally enough evil to know where to find more.

And I WILL find it. I’m going to find all the evil in this world. And I’m going to destroy it. Everywhere I go. Not because I care for you, and not because it’s what a GOOD man would do. But because I’ll like it. I’ll burn in hell for eternity just as long as I get to see someone else do it here first.

They tempted him. They called him just like they called you. They dangled ideals revolving around peace and liberty and love like a big juicy steak in front of a starving dog. And they led him to the killing grounds. He got halfway and realized what a fucking farce your idea of a progressive society is, and before he could back out, they killed him. It’s because you’re weak and pathetic…and the same steak flavoured with corporate greed and financial success he got scared of? You treat it like it’s the fucking Holy Grail. No need for a soul if the bills are paid for. It’s the oldest trick in the book…and mankind’s been falling for it since one person had even a single day to his advantage above the rest.

I was supposed to be an uncle before I became a father. I was gonna spoil some kid rotten and try to show myself up in front of his dad. We were supposed to be old and still fighting about stupid shit like children because we could. Now we can’t. My brother was all I had. If I can’t have him back, you’re going to lose what’s dearest to you as well. I’m sorry. It’s nothing personal.

They killed my brother. And they kill countless others every single passing second by getting us obsessed with visions of things that don’t exist, and wouldn’t matter if they did. A billion false dreams that need the dreamer to be asleep forever. A thousand have died while I’ve been writing this. A couple thousand more by the time you finish reading. They feed off the death of your loved ones…and maybe you’re not ok with it the next day…or the day after that…but someday, you surely are.

I’m not. I won’t remember the good times. I won’t share them. They’re mine, and mine alone. Thinking about the good times and appreciating the fact that there won’t BE any more is too small and human and pathetic a trait for me to be able to get any pleasure from. But make no mistake. This isn’t about me. It’s still about my brother. And that’s why I refuse to move on. All these years, I thought the best thing to do with a world that’s broken is to fix it. When all the while, I should’ve been asking one simple question.

What do you do with a clock that refuses to tell time?

If you’re too scared to speak the answer out loud…congratulations. You got it right.
Soaring, burnished buildings make no measure of the people that occupy the spaces within them. I cry today, days, weeks, months after his death. I cry because it took maybe five and seventeen days for people to forget about him. Cute of some people to speak on his facebook account. Like that’s one of his primary worries in the afterlife. How many people messaged his page. Yes. I know. You loved him. Keep it to yourself. You’re not winning any point by pressing enter on a page he’s not even watching.

Months after I’ve written this bit, and found the strength to include this into my horribly real and unsympathetic list of memorandums, I find some flood has hit this country and maybe I should do my bit to help the people affected. It makes me happy.
I’ll tell you why. Me, bhayya, and a few friends (you know who you you are and I will love you forever. I will give my life for you, Each of you. Whoever asks for it first, frankly. Only got one to give) went to help these earthquake AFFECTEES back in old 2004. Seeing them one night, ignoring my constant plea to let it go when I was saying “please don’t start the Muhammad and God talk with them, they’re idiots…they know not better…” bhayya only said one thing…about all those people who were now stranded in tents and broken mud huts…waiting for resources to be handed to them by a government that was MEANWHILE feedinf off their misery.

He said, “I’ll tell you something Faraz. This quake? Best thing that ever happened to these people.”

Tell you what he meant.

It made us come together. As a nation? As a people. For the first time in their lives, these people were FORCED to live among each other like their lives depended on it. They got out of their houses, and knew how big the world was because symbols from flags of countries they never heard of were joined to millions of dollars worth of relief equipment to help their cold, starving asses.

We had helped loading the rice, flour, used clothes and shoes to be shipped to Balakot a month prior. We saw the same material being burned in the street when we got there.

This…TALIBAN person. He’s gonna win. Like they ask…so many pledges for SO many dollars made to SO many relief efforts for the tsunami and Haiti quake victims. Barely any for this 20 million flood scene. Taliban sponsors the rehabilitation of badly affected areas, creating schools and whatnot of new super horrible ignorant fanatics. Just realized that according to the new Microsoft Word, TALIBAN is not a word they red underline. It exists in the dictionary.

I’m an artist. So was my brother. He lived to help and serve others. I’m gonna try to raise some money for these victims of SUPPOSEDLY natural disasters. Something he mighta prolly coulda SORTA wannit me ta do.

You’re safe for now.

Soon though? Horribly dangerous to live here for you. Keep talking about your revolutions and murdered politicians till it serves your cause in a social setting you can’t quite afford to avoid. Whatever it takes to get into that chick's pants cuz' she's only here for a few weeks and wants atleast ONE dick in her life that wasn't a COMPLETE idiotic waste of space. Keep telling yourselves that despite the fact you haven’t visited you own home town in four years, you’re a real Pakistani just because you run down a New York street corner carrying a green and white flag, which you know you won’t because it’s only convenient to join a facebook group supporting our problems, but actually doing it means actually…fucking…DOING it.

Quit it. You're not here. You have no idea what's going on here. Don't even fucking try.

Poor flood relatives.

Here we come.

Welcome home, Bhayya. See you soon (Following the whole 'an eternity on Earth is the same as a mere few seconds in the afterlife' theory).

Mad Men And Savages

Chapter 25.

The Answer Is Secret

Oh my god! Karachi is burning!! Karachi is burning!!

No it isn't. It's just a rough ass Monday. What's wrong? Why all the shock? Had we thought we were OUT of this mess? Was sitting and letting your country get overrun by land lords merging with multinational capatalists supposed to make Karachi a safe haven for us all? Didn't that one discussion you had with two friends while getting drunk on a Friday night mean you did your part?

Muslims bombings Muslims eh?

It’s a fucking farce. It's not even what's happening. What would be the point? The whole damn WORLD mourns for Ashura. Are we immediately supposed to believe that if a bombing takes place during one of the recessions it HAS to be blamed on an opposing SECT of the same religion?

Open your fucking eyes. The people who bomb houses of worship and religious gatherings are not members OF that religion. It makes no fucking sense. Not that I'm giving them ideas...but seems to me that bombing anti Al Qaeda-esque military bases...or a new clothing store selling skimpy looking outfits...or a new restaurant which secretly sells booze...or private parties where people can get together and have orgies or even a concert held by Atif Aslam all seem to be more up an outraged fanatical muslim organisation's alley. Ok fine bombing Atif Aslam is more up MY alley than theirs but whatever.

Here's a question. Why the manipulation? Why, when you say Islamic agendas and loyal followers do you cut straight to a video of mad lunatic looking people waving rocket launchers in the air...chanting things that probably make some amount of sense but are never translated. Why is it when I watch a man on CNN interview this old dude sitting in front of the Bhutto death square selling flags and posters of a dead chick's even more dead political party...being an urdu speaker, I find he said a LOT more than the lame stuff the translator chose to pick out and broadcast...shoving the level of the actual old guys volume down so low it's totally inaudible.

There was a dude who totally went insane and shot up some place in the US called Fort Hood. Killed 13 soldiers. Now, no one should ever have to die at all...but if they do...don't you atleast wanna know WHY? I do. I did. Now I don't...why? I'm more into their latest blockbuster…”The Syrian who stole Christmas”. Don't you want to know WHY he did the underwear explosive thing? You DO? You won't soon. It won't matter. A Palestinian dude is gonna attack an Israeli settlement...he'll use a bomb instead of a smart missle...and in war, much like most socialite circles around the globe...a man who doesn't use the EXPENSIVE state of the art weaponry to create genocide is worse than a terrorist...he's POOR. He's DESPERATE. More than that…he’s the new guy we decide to be the face of terrorism for a few days till the story does its job.

The US soldier...who shot up Fort Hood...was a fully sane 'able to speak for himself and make an announcement to the world press' kinda guy. He was ONE of THEIR SOLDIERS!! Why didn’t they let him speak his mind and explain himself? Where is he? Don't know? I just looked it up. The last anyone reported on him was...GOOGLE NEWS! In the article? A YEMENI IMAM (Islamic cleric)...that’s right…a YEMENI…IMAM…tells...GOOGLE...that the soldier once came to him, and I quote "sought advice from him about killing US soldiers"...

Just went to the imam and said, "Hey man of the cloth to a religion that justifies murder...I wish to kill lots of US soldiers...how do I do it?"

It's surprising to see how quickly the whole conspiracy theory of BlackWater and other secretly driven multinational private organisations creating pockets of power in this country spread to the point of becoming overdiscussed and now abandoned like yesterday's news. That's actually where the powers at be put even their OWN faith in these theories. They fuel them to the point where not enough proof supporting these ideas turns them into little more than senseless rants from a man whose life was destroyed by a simple machine. It's called a paper shredder, and it destroys the very evidence he spends his life trying to find. In poorer countries, this machine is replaced by something called...a FURNACE. All information you wish never to keep any record of, goes into this device...as do the people who have this information and refuse to cooperate. But I’m sure to a man mowing down a steak somewhere with his banker friends right now, the idea of multimillion dollar deals involving weapons and warheads being made in SECRET is just pure science fiction till Michael Moore can find a document and make a 3 hour snoozefest about it.

I'm all for conspiracy theories when it seems fairly obvious that there IS one going on. The word Taliban and BOMB seem synonymous with each other now. How did THAT happen? I’m not totally on the side of a global group that doesn’t want pornographic films made, but people don't seem to use their eyes anymore. Atleast not for anything more than looking around hoping to catch a reflection of themselves in another person. Someone who agrees with your twisted logic and makes the world a slightly better place to live in for a while. Just waiting for another blast somewhere because it gives you the notion that talking about dangerous current affairs makes you look more concerned or maybe even a little smarter while shoving your face with truffles from some exclusive chocolate shop in zamzama. Yea. I know the reviews from your lame facebook status. They're to fucking die for.

But so is a decent cause.

Instead, we waste so much time getting our views from channels like DAWN and GEO which are little more than telemarketers for fear and DEATH these days, I wouldn't be surprised if that clueless Ranger unit leader heard details about his own subordinate’s death from some shmuck paid to put the idea in his head that JAHANZEB found someone suspicious and when he approached him about it the guy pulled the cord. Of course top that off with regular articles or video specials on political parties making new bills, or NGO's that actually DO some real grassroots work in this country for education, sanitation, employment, healthcare whatever, and you have yourselves a news industry that truly CARES about the people instead of say, attempting to push for the idea of news channel heads as president of this country.

FREE PRESS!!! (craftily faded to change to) REPRESS!!! DAWN NEWS! UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE!

Yes...they're two different words entirely. What's your fucking point? Where do you get YOUR news from? Excuse me while I go off and position a camera on my rooftop right NOW for a bomb that'll go off tomorrow afternoon. Some people will do anything to get that exclusive.

We seem to forget that the entire purpose of these bombings happens to be making us afraid of 4 things:

1. Stepping out of the house. (The government has it under control)

2. Going anywhere NEAR a mosque. (God is obsolete)

3. Attending religious seminars or gatherings. (People who believe in God are bakward goons asking for a targeted attack)

4. Having an original thought. (When the media wants your opinion...they'll give it to you)

So...unless you're a complete DOLT...you will realise that yes, the people responsible for these attacks ARE far from Muslims...but not in that weakly ironic and hopelessly needling way you like to post on your facebook wall hoping that some bearded dude in a position of power will read it and go GRRRRRR alright SHAMYLA! YOU WIN! I WASNT GONNA DO THIS TILL WEDNESDAY, BUT NOW YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR! I CAN'T TAKE YOUR MOCKING WORDS ANYMORE! PACK IT UP GANG! ITS OVER! THE JEWS WIN!

The people responsible, my fellow cunts...are members of your local and foreign governments that have indeed worked together tirelessly for decades to bring their own warped version of liberty and freedom to this country in the wonderful form of late night with Mathira and MTV. Ah, Mathira. She holds a LIVE show every night from 2 to 3 in the morning...subjected to nothing but ridicule from women in burkhas who have the nerve to tell her to dress properly from now on despite the fact that THEY'RE the ones making late night phone calls to a TV show called "Love Talk"...and drunk men who, on a good day, can muster enough strength to speak in entire sentences which mostly revolve around telling her they think she looks pretty and they'd like to BEFRIEND her. Yet if she stops doing her show, these assholes are the first ones to bitch about the Islamisation of the country. They don't want to see women in sleeveless outfits at 3 in the morning, but they don't want Vibe to suddenly UP it's standards from the piece of crap channel it IS either.

And why is that? I'll tell you why. Yes I will. The west has ALWAYS led the way in what they’d have you believe is the shining example of modern civilised living. Imitation works. But we always somehow manage to secure our place as the least developed in ANY of these things.

You DO realise that capatilsm, once the saviour of the planet as we knew it, is conveniently being shown as the enemy now, yet at the same time companies like FORD MOTORS get on the public healthSCARE bandwagon by joining with large hospital organisations which cover a whole lot more items on the list of natural ailments if you purchase their cars and become loyal customers. Seriously. Buy a Ford...live longer.

And now, companies are creating machines that run on something called HHO. A broken down re-engineered form of water that can create enough energy to burn through a metal plate in seconds yet leaves human skin unaffected. The beauty of the system (not counting how it totally opens up new possibilities for so called miracles thousands of years ago when men were seen walking through fire and created entire religions BASED on these illusions)? Only companies that have been creating engines for the regular cars that ran on fuel harvested from the blood of innocent people have any ACCESS to this damn technology. They STILL hold the resources, the skill, the information and scale of work it requires to eventually put these engines into mass production. The same companies, led by the same people, exploiting the same resources, controlling the same money and power to create the next step in healthy cooperative human living. Which by the way, they can do tomorrow. But they won't. For ANOTHER two reasons.

The fuel hasn't run out yet.

The global warming scare hasn't taken its hold on your pathetic little brain.

Then why bring that freedom and liberty to this part of the world? Because by the time we start indulging in the fattening perks of a so called MODERN society...we'll also start being considered the world’s number one polluters and industrial giants. A way of living, which, by the time we achieve it and even BEGIN to reap the benefits of, will be obsolete because THEY SAY SO. This time...a country will be invaded because enough people will believe it's not only threatening another nation, but slowly choking the entire planet to death with its wicked backward ways. You and I, UNfortunately...will not be around to see this happen. History will rewrite itself...and the countries that currently practice major industrial production and even a little thing called weather modification (shooting deadly chemicals into the air to control things like humidity level for comfort and rainfall for dams), will write a big fat sorry to the UN or whatever it changes its name to and just walk away with the masses thinking "Awww...atleast they apologised."

Big Fat Capatalist wearing a monocle: Look...I'm uhh...sorry I killed everything and everyone you ever loved. Soooo...we cool?

Native American: No.

Big Fat Capatalist wearing a monocle: What choice do you really have? I own everything.

Native American: You're right. I'm going to create a God that will make this all better AFTER we die.

Big Fat Capatalist Wearing a monocle: Sure....sure...soooo…we cool right?

We can single out any one person with a different opinion and call him insane...and the world will follow...and you know why? Because as soon as he starts making sense to more than three people, BOOM! A bomb goes off on 10th Moharram and you're back to square one, flipping curiously through news channels telling you your wonderful government caught a suspect and so far only has the knowledge that this many people have died, and it was caused by a single man wearing some sort of bomb vest. Where’s the suspect? What’s he got to say? And can I for once…just once…hear HIM speak directly INTO a fucking camera as his statement to the people?

Have you ever SEEN a bomb blast?

Have you seen one go off in the middle of a packed crowd?

Let me explain what happens.

When a bomb goes off...particularly one of the kind where roughly 4 maybe 5 kilos of explosive have been strapped to a vest? For a radius of 35 to 40 feet? You're lucky if you can still keep all five senses, sight, hearing, SANITY etc. If you're truly blessed...all your limbs are still intact.

Fifteen to twenty feet? NOTHING survives. The shock and shrapnel will kill anything beathing.

Ten to five feet from the point of the explosion...little more than intestines are or a bloody sandal is found.

1 foot or less?

Nothing. A big black hole in the ground, and a LOT of bad memories.

NOTHING survives the epicenter of a blast using 5 kilos of explosive. Nothing. Yet instead of believing that a SMART person casually walked around in the crowd, quietly dropped a bag with a timed explosive and walked off to about as far as he could in a frame of 4 minutes...we immediately jump to the image of a training camp somewhere in the mountains with a whole LINE of men chanting mad slogans, being treated just a LIIIITTTLE more special than the rest of the crew. These are the men everyone in the camps wishes they were. These are the suicide bombers. The ones willing to go anywhere at any time and with complete disregard for everything around them, quit the world in a blaze of glory and close their eyes so tight they see heaven. MAD men and SAVAGES. So many in number now they're crawling out from under the very rocks they hide behind. We can't seem to find most of them though...but that's ok...our military's on the case. Sure a couple hundred people from nearby villages die in the raids and missile fire. Just collateral damage. Beat the shit out of someone they DO manage to kidnap till he confesses to crimes he never committed from less fear for his own life and more of it for the families the secret army promises they’ll rape and murder if he doesn’t cooperate.

I'll tell you why you avoid talking about it. Why if anyone brings up this topic in the middle of a dinner party you'll think it’s a drag. The reason is that talking about these issues in a country where less than 2 percent of the population controls ALL the money and power, can rarely lead to anything but a drastic measure on the part of its people. Stop going to work for 3 months. Don’t use electricity anymore. Go fucking insane. And see what happens. Watch how the controllers break down to their knees finally admitting how much more they need YOU than YOU need THEM.

Or?

Stop bitching and moaning about being exploited and taken for a ride if you refuse to DO shit about it. But you still won’t and here’s why. Simply because...it's literally all you have.

As Pakistanis...you don't dominate the world stage in ANYTHING...political strength...money...fashion...film...industries of ANY sort...this is all you have...the bombs. You feel like heroes just for surviving one day out here and being able to say yes I saw it all when it was happening. Funny how big a lie that really is. You ignored it and now it wants attention. The longer you put it off the longer it'll stick around. But did you ever even really want it gone? Or is sitting in your homes all nice and snug talking to people over the internet about how it affects you psychologically and emotionally to live through this shit literally the only thing that makes you unique in this world? Wear Hush Puppies on your feet to get noticed here…wear the image of a person from a torn country to get noticed there. It’s highly systematic…I’d be surprised if any one of you were aware you were even doing it. I doubt I’ll ever give you credit for such a long term philosophy.

I saw something the other day. One of the higher ups in national air travel security in the U.S was giving an interview on CNN. He was casually speaking about how, in order to INCREASE the effectiveness of anti terrorism on flights to and from the U.S, we must change our global strategy from this:

Everybody gets treated the exact same way and is run through a simple series of checks like having your luggage scanned, then walking through a full body scanner designed to send x rays through your clothes to check for any concealed weapons.

To THIS:

Past the luggage scan everyone is free to go off except a few specifically profiled people. Who will be taken to a side, and embarrassed by being the only ones subjected to those checks.

The interviewer seemed to agree with him when he said in THIS way...we can actually make our security standards seem LESS predictable and therefore this will be an EPIC win against terrorists. And similar idiots like the interviewer sit and watch this guy talk absolute nonsense and scratch their chins and say 'he's got a point'.

So what happens when a guard trained to spot a nervous man through his behaviour looks at a totally hot chick in the line a little longer than he's supposed to...missing an obvious hint dropped by someone who he should've been watching? What happens when a so called terrorist showing no signs of anxiety walks right onto a plane with chemicals sewn into his underwear that he could've mixed and used sitting in the airplane toilet? What happens when he succeeds and the whole plane goes down in the middle of an ocean never to be seen again...apart from a single passport floating unharmed on the surface of the crash area...which says Syrians are the new Iraqis? What happens? Do we blame the airport security head for his dickheaded move? Do we blame the guard for missing an obvious sign because he was watching some broad’s tits? Do we blame the terrorist? Do we blame the organisation he belonged to?

Nope. The answer is secret option 'moron'. We blame Syria. Yea. Not the country. The PERSON. Because they're backward and uneducated and instead of sharing power and wealth with these lesser fortunate souls...some people would believe its a better move to just invade and occupy. Y'know...like the British with the Indians years ago. Only today they can’t do that at all right? They have the whole problem of news channels around the world belonging to each country reporting constantly on the REAL truth about the matter and that’s becoming a REAL difficult issue to control.

Or is it?

Tumbling To The Ground

Chapter 24.

For Something Thicker

Iqbal day. Seems unfair I can't get beer on a holiday commemorating a man whose poetry leads you to believe he was probably one of the biggest drinkers this nation has ever seen. Advantage though...the electricity didn't go today. Disadvantage? I wasn't prepared for this random act of kindness from those thieving bastards that run the electric supply company. I still switched off my PC and took my nap (yes, like the one your grandfather takes because his love problems are bigger than mine, i.e: he actually GOT to marry the woman of HIS dreams) and wasted those precious hours of the day when I could be sitting here typing away at some useless theory or the other, helping no one and fuelling my insanity simultaneously.

Yes. I claim I'm insane. And yes, it makes me think I'm cooler than you. How'd you guess?

So many MOVEMENTS all of a sudden. And not just the high society hippie SHAMS going on in THIS country, but all around the world. The other day a gay comedian managed to get a crowd of 3000 people to focus on a much larger picture concerning the mannerisms and methods the catholic church used to enforce its teachings in the past and the diabolical yet primitive way in which it intends to choose and empower its clerics in the near future. His main objective, of course, apart from holding present priests responsible for atrocities committed 600 years ago, was to force the church to make it alright to be gay no matter how ICKY (religious terminology) devout Catholics might find that kind of behaviour to be.

Meanwhile...the most powerful woman in Pakistan...Atiqa Ohdo...continued to flood my facebook inbox with pro Pakistani tripe that concerns a very small percentage of the nation seeing as most of them are having a problem with those OTHER things, you know, FOOD, WATER and ELECTRICITY.

So you wanna fight bullets with words. You wanna fight bombs with blogs.

Some dude called Saad Khan drowned during a badly conceived game show. Like Fear Factor meets The Running Man. There are no losers. Only winners and dead people. I was genuinely surprised that wasn't the USP (Unique Selling Point. I have a friend. He went to college.) of the show to begin with, and that the death was actually an accident. Being a paranoid man though, I couldn't help thinking this was an elaborate way to give the masses of this shit hole the believable illusion that multinationals aren't completely taking over this country with each passing minute. Or maybe it was just a huge step taken to improve the quality and standards of game shows for television locally. A win win really. Except for the guinea pig who left behind a wife and three kids.

Then I thinks to myself I thinks...isn't it about time we brought the world together using the one trait human beings haven't managed to shake over the past 20 thousand years? Yes, that's right. Blood lust you cretins. Whens the last time you switched between channels showing the aftermath of a bomb blast in Peshawar and a peaceful artistic exhibition opening night at some lame gallery and actually spent more time watching the latter? You wouldn't pull the trigger to execute a murderer but you'd sure as hell watch it if someone else did, admit it.

Ahh all those women I could've impressed with my newly acquired ZIPPO TRICK skills at the protest we were gonna hold for Saad Khan at the Park Towers roundabout...about seven fucking months ago. Bring your own DIYAS children. You'll need the light. Movements in this country have darker agendas than the sad events surrounding them.


So! Bringing the world together using blood lust. I imagine...soon as Punylever or Prostate and Gamble or conglomerates like it get enough power to control these kinds of things...I dream of a world where we won't be fighting each other anymore because we'll be too busy watching carefully selected groups of individuals worldwide fighting each OTHER. In huge arenas.

Where the head of the loser gets lobbed off and sold to the highest bidder. And the women will swoon after him saying things like "Did you know? He's a COLLECTOR." It's gonna be pure ratings MAGIC.

Poor Peshawaris. They live in buildings so dilapidated, one explosion sends seven of them tumbling to the ground, and we have the nerve to focus on the actual BLAST as the main problem plaguing this country and it's people...not the illiterate thugs LEADING them...

Atleast make it HARD for the terrorists I say. Give them something to fuckin' WORRY about perhaps? I was stopped about half an hour ago by rangers on the road because my busted headlight seemed suspicious. I asked him if they'd gotten reports of a busted headlight car that needs to be checked. He said "Nah man...we just randomly wave down vehicles we feel like waving down in the mere hopes that we might find something in them." This is the plan of action provided to these Rangers by one of the most feared intelligence agencies in the world. But I'm starting to believe the ISI is more LOATHED than FEARED. Our guys probably just stop answering the phone when shit gets real like most Pakistanis do. I won't lie. I avoid the hell out of people when I'm too bothered with my own shit...but then I wouldn't put myself in charge of running a damn country either. But if that LAX kinda behaviour doesn't put the terror in the hearts of men driving a lorry carrying one hundred and fifty kilos of plastic explosives into the Marriot, I'm stumped as to what might.

Who even knows what the damn war is about anymore. We're too busy fighting it. On the front. In our own homes. Most of us just in our minds. There was a time when blood was worthless once it was spilt for something thicker. Now it seems that was just an excuse. Wasn't even the plan.

Who else demands we be told what the damn plan is?

Anyone?

No matter how horrific. It couldn't be worse than rationalising millions of deaths daily by applying whatever twisted logic was born in your mind off that limited amount of knowledge you possibly might have about the history of the world. Or you could stay busy watching how the tip of the iceberg IS getting just a little cleaner every year. Sure MORE women were raped this year than any preceding it...but isn't that just because there're more women ON Earth this year than the last?

Your popularised notions of right and wrong make me wish I had a stomach better at holding in all that vomit that comes out as a result of hearing them. Nothing is getting better. And your ability to turn around and look at the things you WANT to see is to blame. But I expect little else from a species that gets addicted to soft drinks and fancy shoes by the age of 6.

Death trickles down the ladder of power, kids. Watching a president make a call to kill soldiers while killing rebels while aggravating their surviving peers into killing innocents is like killing a matchstick to kill a cigarette to kill yourself.

Give yourself cancer if you have to...but then try not to get married and have children that gotta see your balding chemotherapied ass struggle to stay alive every damn day.

You'd think there was at least something CLOSE to a solution for removing cancerous bigots in the worlds highest positions of power in here. I'm afraid I'm still working on it. I promise it'll involve guns and explosives. I tried to use harsh words against a tank once...you can't hear them over the shells.

But as far as solutions go...if I thought celebrating life brought about anything but more inevitable death...I'd advise you to stop reading and YouTube that little Chinese girl that raises her hand and says "What...EVAAAA" in such an adorable way it makes you kinda forget how sad it is that a wonderful mind like hers is soon going to be ruined by the next Lindsay Lohan album.

Is That A Kaafir?

Chapter 23.

The Entire Concept

Ahh Ramadan. The holy month of fasting. The one time of the year when an artist is probably struggling LESS than you are. Finally, a reason other than my horrible skills with women to blame for the lack of sex for some 30 odd days. Sure, sometimes we forget why we're told to fast in this month. It's become more of a tradition than a religious thing. I guess there has to be SOME time of the year when I should be able to buy pakodas off a stand somewhere in the middle of...well...anywhere. This is what life should be like forever. Hot oily foods prepared without following any sanitation code whatsoever...shorter work hours...people that're frustrated, hot and thirsty but too hungry and tired to fight you back when you kick them in the ass and run away. Even that one guy at every office who was never taught the beauty of the 'PERSONAL SPACE', and talks right up close to your face like he's inspecting your forehead for alien life forms keeps his distance because he knows his mouth probably smells like a cat shat in there...ate it's own shit...digested it...shat again...and then died...two days ago. Oh, fasting, is there any problem you can't solve?

Why do we wait for some MOON sighting to bring our society to this near utopia?

Oh right...because ordinarily we'd rather be greedy, slimey WANTITALLS...and 30 days of moderation is probably all human beings today can even bear. The month is supposed to teach us patience, apparently for everyone and everything except people who don't fast. Why make the fasting essential only this time of year? I say we rewrite the consitution. But then again so does everyone else, since your constitution is now primarily made up of stuff written by landlords who hired lawyers because they knew how to use a pen. But what about a year long Ramadan-esque struggle? Isn't one of the best examples of a happy society another wonderful event exclusive only to the days of this month? Yes...I mean housewives that DON'T complain every waking moment of the day because they finally get a break from their husbands jumping them each night after promises of doing chores the next day they intend to break.

"YES!! DROP THEM TO SCHOOL IN THE MORNING FOR ME BABY!! DROP THEM!!!"

Sometimes I wonder if I made a 24 hour channel airing various shots of good looking men walking into VERY messy houses and cleaning them with mops and sponges and soap while soft music plays...how long would it be EXACTLY before housewives realise they're watching what they consider porn.


So I saw a link recently. Apparently, people in Saudi Arabia are shifting to a new form of liberal marriage called MASYAT or something. It allows men and women to live in seperate households and managing to remain GHAIR (unrelated) mard or aurat to each other, yet they can reap the main benefit for which most Saudis consider marriage in the first place instead of continuing their homosexual hand holding exploits outside mosques. That's right. These men and women get to have sex with each other and outside of wedlock now...it's the law.

Ahan...so the place that STARTED God is abandoning Him too. We should all sing and dance while we can...because hell will be burning with not so human souls and the only thing our worldly instruments will be good for is kindling the fire.

What I love is how some people make a big deal about this, and some don't...but nearly everyone is quick to forget when little events like this take place. The world changed that day. For a liberal man like myself...I'm actually happy for the people of Saudi being given this freedom. But what I'm saddened for...is the religion so many people died to promote, preach, practice and spread throughout the centuries. I mean...if we were gonna dick around with the entire concept by getting some senior scholar to sell his belief when he was convinced the time is right...why even BOTHER maintaining the integrity of the Book? Sure the verses stayed the same for a thousand years...big fucking whoop. If I can change the meaning or the interpretation of the verse at the drop of a dime, or whenever I see it'll benefit my position of authority among a nation full of repressed and sun baked loons pretending to protect the heritage of something...how long before we DO have a new version of the book? Even if we don't...how can we keep telling other religions off for changing their scriptures when infact our adherence to our own is so damn shoddy? Damn it, now NO ONE'S gonna take Muslims seriously. Atleast when they thought we're all terrorists we instilled some serious FEAR in their hearts. Now what? We're finding LOOPHOLES around the 'no sex before marriage' clause?! Is there even a fucking POINT to sinning anymore?


We fast because people DIED of hunger in a hot dry desert trying to preserve a new way of life. Probably the SHITTIEST fucking way to go next to being set on fire (God bless victims of witch hunts). They survived on dates and half a glass of water a day. Today...we party the HELL out of iftari time don't we? We're literally tossing half eaten samosas out the window. We got so much food around. No sense of desperation or hopelessness. We're taking showers...sitting in air conditioned offices...

Here's how I see it. The same book they completely disregarded when they introduced this new Saudi law, kinda tells us this is going to happen. Everyone is gonna be Muslim, but very few will even know what that means, yada yada. Flipping through...your truth sayers will be considered evil and the people you consider pious and honest will be just the opposite...yada...no one will be following the true word yada yada....


SO! Seems logical to say we're all part of a prophecy. Doesn't that mean we kind of NEED people to keep getting more and more immoral? Say I strap a bomb to my chest and hold 18 people hostage and force them to find God. That's wrong. So I blow myself up in the name of religion to destroy a group of people my own God told me will be infecting the planet like INSECTS apparently (though I think that's quite a racist comment...bugs are just tryin' ta get by, yknow?)...in an attempt to force or scare these same people back to something they can never be because God's the one saying EVERYONE will eventually be LIKE them. But doesn't that mean I'm literally singlehandedly (I say literally because that single hand you use to press the button on a vest bomb is usually the only thing that survives the blast) going against prophecies written in the same book I'm trying to promote? Do I go to heaven? Do I go to hell? Call 'em whatever you want...heathens...infidels...non believers...kaafirs...liberals...hippies...drummers...MIMES...*shudder*...if they're a part of the book's prophecies...killing them is kind of challenging God's word on their existence in the first place isn't it? How do terrorists seem to miss this one MAJOR flaw in their plan?

Oh, right...because terrorists are the simplest and most effective way to destroy the notion of a religion which scared other authorities so much that in order to get it accepted again and to protect it's so called future...Saudis are now allowed to fuck anyone they want.

So...I guess the terrorists DID win...they're fighting for a people who are so shit scared of 'em THEMSELVES, they're changing the damn rules and the prophecy finds its way to coming true yet again. What a genius, this God guy. I'm like the HUGEST fan of His work. Believe it.

But our historical differences will always remain unfaltered...no matter how hard we try. Just when brown people wanna impress white people by passing liberal laws in the birthplace of their sometimes quite STRICT religion...a French prime minister almost passes a law making it illegal for women to wear a headscarf. That's right...a country that says we give our people all the liberties they might want, from making out in the streets to avoiding world wars to not shaving their legs...is taking away a woman's FREEDOM to wear a headscarf if she wants to. We're NOT going to get along...EVER...but at least I'm not delusional about it. Yes...I'm not a religious man...and yes...most European countries are considered forward and open minded...but I have no doubts that in actual fact it's ok to call them perverse godless mongrels since they wouldn't give a shit anyway. It's just a damn crusade. Live your life the best you can. And stop believing every source you're so dependant on will you?

I don't know...maybe it IS ok to believe in men more than one believes in God like most people today. We should all pick one type of human to worship instead.

If we get to do that I know who I'm picking. That guy I like to call, "The Thread Killer". We've all seen this person. He's the one who makes a comment on any on going discussion thread anywhere in the world, which is so LAME that no one ever speaks on that thread again. The reasons can range from being off topic, to making a selfish remark, to insulting or offending another person, to even just having a face that no one wants to respond to. No matter what the reason, one thing is for certain. It's almost ALWAYS a socially unacceptable one. And THAT'S why I believe in that guy. Anyone who takes a bullet to remind us how far too far really IS...is alright in my book. He just prepares us for a time when entire laws will be passed making it okay to say that shit to begin with. He's secular...focuses on the greater good in the world and perhaps it's future instead of the hereafter, which is why he states whatever is on his mind...and loves people above anything else which is why he's so quick to diss them on their immoral behaviour. He's a forward thinker.

Or is that a kaafir?

Which is like saying I'm a lesbian because I'm sexually attracted to women, not into sex with guys and have breasts.

Ramadan Mubarak everybody.