Is That A Kaafir?

Chapter 23.

The Entire Concept

Ahh Ramadan. The holy month of fasting. The one time of the year when an artist is probably struggling LESS than you are. Finally, a reason other than my horrible skills with women to blame for the lack of sex for some 30 odd days. Sure, sometimes we forget why we're told to fast in this month. It's become more of a tradition than a religious thing. I guess there has to be SOME time of the year when I should be able to buy pakodas off a stand somewhere in the middle of...well...anywhere. This is what life should be like forever. Hot oily foods prepared without following any sanitation code whatsoever...shorter work hours...people that're frustrated, hot and thirsty but too hungry and tired to fight you back when you kick them in the ass and run away. Even that one guy at every office who was never taught the beauty of the 'PERSONAL SPACE', and talks right up close to your face like he's inspecting your forehead for alien life forms keeps his distance because he knows his mouth probably smells like a cat shat in there...ate it's own shit...digested it...shat again...and then died...two days ago. Oh, fasting, is there any problem you can't solve?

Why do we wait for some MOON sighting to bring our society to this near utopia?

Oh right...because ordinarily we'd rather be greedy, slimey WANTITALLS...and 30 days of moderation is probably all human beings today can even bear. The month is supposed to teach us patience, apparently for everyone and everything except people who don't fast. Why make the fasting essential only this time of year? I say we rewrite the consitution. But then again so does everyone else, since your constitution is now primarily made up of stuff written by landlords who hired lawyers because they knew how to use a pen. But what about a year long Ramadan-esque struggle? Isn't one of the best examples of a happy society another wonderful event exclusive only to the days of this month? Yes...I mean housewives that DON'T complain every waking moment of the day because they finally get a break from their husbands jumping them each night after promises of doing chores the next day they intend to break.

"YES!! DROP THEM TO SCHOOL IN THE MORNING FOR ME BABY!! DROP THEM!!!"

Sometimes I wonder if I made a 24 hour channel airing various shots of good looking men walking into VERY messy houses and cleaning them with mops and sponges and soap while soft music plays...how long would it be EXACTLY before housewives realise they're watching what they consider porn.


So I saw a link recently. Apparently, people in Saudi Arabia are shifting to a new form of liberal marriage called MASYAT or something. It allows men and women to live in seperate households and managing to remain GHAIR (unrelated) mard or aurat to each other, yet they can reap the main benefit for which most Saudis consider marriage in the first place instead of continuing their homosexual hand holding exploits outside mosques. That's right. These men and women get to have sex with each other and outside of wedlock now...it's the law.

Ahan...so the place that STARTED God is abandoning Him too. We should all sing and dance while we can...because hell will be burning with not so human souls and the only thing our worldly instruments will be good for is kindling the fire.

What I love is how some people make a big deal about this, and some don't...but nearly everyone is quick to forget when little events like this take place. The world changed that day. For a liberal man like myself...I'm actually happy for the people of Saudi being given this freedom. But what I'm saddened for...is the religion so many people died to promote, preach, practice and spread throughout the centuries. I mean...if we were gonna dick around with the entire concept by getting some senior scholar to sell his belief when he was convinced the time is right...why even BOTHER maintaining the integrity of the Book? Sure the verses stayed the same for a thousand years...big fucking whoop. If I can change the meaning or the interpretation of the verse at the drop of a dime, or whenever I see it'll benefit my position of authority among a nation full of repressed and sun baked loons pretending to protect the heritage of something...how long before we DO have a new version of the book? Even if we don't...how can we keep telling other religions off for changing their scriptures when infact our adherence to our own is so damn shoddy? Damn it, now NO ONE'S gonna take Muslims seriously. Atleast when they thought we're all terrorists we instilled some serious FEAR in their hearts. Now what? We're finding LOOPHOLES around the 'no sex before marriage' clause?! Is there even a fucking POINT to sinning anymore?


We fast because people DIED of hunger in a hot dry desert trying to preserve a new way of life. Probably the SHITTIEST fucking way to go next to being set on fire (God bless victims of witch hunts). They survived on dates and half a glass of water a day. Today...we party the HELL out of iftari time don't we? We're literally tossing half eaten samosas out the window. We got so much food around. No sense of desperation or hopelessness. We're taking showers...sitting in air conditioned offices...

Here's how I see it. The same book they completely disregarded when they introduced this new Saudi law, kinda tells us this is going to happen. Everyone is gonna be Muslim, but very few will even know what that means, yada yada. Flipping through...your truth sayers will be considered evil and the people you consider pious and honest will be just the opposite...yada...no one will be following the true word yada yada....


SO! Seems logical to say we're all part of a prophecy. Doesn't that mean we kind of NEED people to keep getting more and more immoral? Say I strap a bomb to my chest and hold 18 people hostage and force them to find God. That's wrong. So I blow myself up in the name of religion to destroy a group of people my own God told me will be infecting the planet like INSECTS apparently (though I think that's quite a racist comment...bugs are just tryin' ta get by, yknow?)...in an attempt to force or scare these same people back to something they can never be because God's the one saying EVERYONE will eventually be LIKE them. But doesn't that mean I'm literally singlehandedly (I say literally because that single hand you use to press the button on a vest bomb is usually the only thing that survives the blast) going against prophecies written in the same book I'm trying to promote? Do I go to heaven? Do I go to hell? Call 'em whatever you want...heathens...infidels...non believers...kaafirs...liberals...hippies...drummers...MIMES...*shudder*...if they're a part of the book's prophecies...killing them is kind of challenging God's word on their existence in the first place isn't it? How do terrorists seem to miss this one MAJOR flaw in their plan?

Oh, right...because terrorists are the simplest and most effective way to destroy the notion of a religion which scared other authorities so much that in order to get it accepted again and to protect it's so called future...Saudis are now allowed to fuck anyone they want.

So...I guess the terrorists DID win...they're fighting for a people who are so shit scared of 'em THEMSELVES, they're changing the damn rules and the prophecy finds its way to coming true yet again. What a genius, this God guy. I'm like the HUGEST fan of His work. Believe it.

But our historical differences will always remain unfaltered...no matter how hard we try. Just when brown people wanna impress white people by passing liberal laws in the birthplace of their sometimes quite STRICT religion...a French prime minister almost passes a law making it illegal for women to wear a headscarf. That's right...a country that says we give our people all the liberties they might want, from making out in the streets to avoiding world wars to not shaving their legs...is taking away a woman's FREEDOM to wear a headscarf if she wants to. We're NOT going to get along...EVER...but at least I'm not delusional about it. Yes...I'm not a religious man...and yes...most European countries are considered forward and open minded...but I have no doubts that in actual fact it's ok to call them perverse godless mongrels since they wouldn't give a shit anyway. It's just a damn crusade. Live your life the best you can. And stop believing every source you're so dependant on will you?

I don't know...maybe it IS ok to believe in men more than one believes in God like most people today. We should all pick one type of human to worship instead.

If we get to do that I know who I'm picking. That guy I like to call, "The Thread Killer". We've all seen this person. He's the one who makes a comment on any on going discussion thread anywhere in the world, which is so LAME that no one ever speaks on that thread again. The reasons can range from being off topic, to making a selfish remark, to insulting or offending another person, to even just having a face that no one wants to respond to. No matter what the reason, one thing is for certain. It's almost ALWAYS a socially unacceptable one. And THAT'S why I believe in that guy. Anyone who takes a bullet to remind us how far too far really IS...is alright in my book. He just prepares us for a time when entire laws will be passed making it okay to say that shit to begin with. He's secular...focuses on the greater good in the world and perhaps it's future instead of the hereafter, which is why he states whatever is on his mind...and loves people above anything else which is why he's so quick to diss them on their immoral behaviour. He's a forward thinker.

Or is that a kaafir?

Which is like saying I'm a lesbian because I'm sexually attracted to women, not into sex with guys and have breasts.

Ramadan Mubarak everybody.

Things That Are Wrong

Chapter 22.

Changes In Tune

Dreams.

Dreams are God's way of telling us to wake up.

I've realised way too many people make statements ending with the words "you know?", you know? And often enough, you really don't.

"So since my uncle grabbed my ass when I was twelve, I obviously understood how to stop relying on family for personal issues since they were where those issues were originating from in the first place, you know?"

Uhhh...no. I don't know. You see I...quite enjoyed my uncle grabbing my ass, you weirdo.

Some people will say anything to get noticed. Others are nice enough to restrict it to their blogs. People lie to make their lives sound more interesting than they really are, and somehow we've become ok with that over the years.

How do we seriously swallow (and not the GOOD kind of swallowing) some of the absolute tripe our own friends tell us when we weren't even there to see it happen? Trust? Like you trust the news?

We need to start looking at things that are wrong with ourselves. And I mean REALLY look. Just...borderline self LOATHING, but not quite. See in my opinion, it can actually be a very healthy thing to know full well what your flaws are. One advantage definitely being beating others to the punch when they're about to point one of them out. Don't give them the satisfaction I say. They get enough of that from going to expensive coffee shops with their laptops pretending to relax while struggling with the (Insert current favourite American TV series here) catch phrase of the day to remind themselves why they hang out with each other in the first place.

They belong to a group.

I'm the guy who really doesn't quote fictional characters from "How I Met Your Mother." I have few friends because of it.

Yes, we live in a world where even FICTION can be used badly in the wrong hands. For instance, love. Directly proportional in amount to the number of things you buy your loved one on dates that apparently matter, i.e: birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day etc. Love is a fictitious luxury that only the rich can afford but only the poor know the value of. And if you don't believe in all of it, you're an outcast (also known as an asshole). Maybe you'd be a visionary if it was 2000 years ago. But times change, and eventually, the machine wins.

Personally? I don't understand how you don't find it absolutely refreshing to run into someone who has a completely conflicting opinion on things to your own. Makes me one step closer to realising how small a chance there is of another ME hanging around somewhere in this world.

Which is only something I fear to encounter because running into another Faraz Lodhi - the two of us being totally full of ourselves - I wouldn't know:

A.) Who to agree with more than the other.
B.) If all those years of theatre really DID turn me into a flaming homosexual because my first instinct would be to make out with myself. You sexy beast, you.

Though I seriously doubt EITHER of us would call the next day. Because there are some things you just KNOW.

Like those few channel numbers you remember on your tv set because your cable operator keeps changing frequencies so often you don't bother setting them to preference. You just commit those few channels you know don't totally suck ass to memory and keep punching the numbers on the remote to move between them.I agree that TV is better than real life. Atleast you get to change the channel every now and again. But the closest real life gets to television is when you're on one of your favourite channels and some totally LAME movie is playing, so you think "Let my try 18 next, I'm sure there'll be something good on it". Only to realise you were already ON channel 18, you know...the one playing the piece of CRAP flick you have to sit through before things get any better or worse. Much like life.


Yes, friends, learn when it's ok to distant yourself from the shitty things around you to be able to breathe for a second and know how horrible a person you really are. How are you going to learn anything if the only people you talk to are your friends and lovers? They're just sorry souls who feel lucky to have YOU around. Everything's different when viewed or heard from a distance. The perception changes, just like when a car loudly blaring a Bombay Vikings song changes in tune when it gets far enough. The song remains the same, but somehow the note it's being played in goes lower or higher, does it not? I imagine it's because only SOME of the vibrations made by the stereo are actually reaching you now. Unfortunately, the car has to be WAY far before the song begins to sound at all bearable. And how is a story any different?

I'm sick of people. They're overrated. Here's why I say I'm ahead of my time. Because I live the way your descendants will. Alone. Indoors. Paranoid. They way God intended. Completely dependent on man made items so that soon we won't even need to leave the apartment anymore. There will be a few spots left on the globe they'll turn into tourist attractions where only the filthy rich can visit on weekends. The rest of it will we war torn, burnt, uninhabitable or too dangerous to hang around as they'll have you believe through the information getting pumped into your homes via devices that would make an iTouch look like a 3rd grader's attempt at a science project.

Because by then, a 3rd grader will most likely be able to create an iTouch anyway.


It's becoming so easy to control human life. What it believes to be truth. What it considers fun. What it considers entertainment. What's allowed, and what isn't.

What was the point again? Ah yes. Self hatred. Get on board. Whatever you're doing with your life...it's not good enough. It's affecting nothing but your own self interest. Listening to WE ARE THE WORLD is a hypocritical act if you don't take the time out to help a stranger in your day. You're told to fear your neighbour because if you start helping each other, there goes another security guard company led by some corrupt ex military asshole to loss of clientele.

And you don't really think they'll let it happen...or that you have any control over their decision in that matter, do you?

We can all be better people than we are. We just have to stand for something. I know it's damn tempting to come on tv and sit on a couch across from some chick whose main claim to fame is being married to the bassist from Junoon, and say you don't care what people think, if you don't like someone, you're totally vocal about it right in their face. But try to remember the last time you told someone you didn't want to be around them anymore when it WASN'T affecting your pathetic financial situation. It's easy to tell a guy who chews pan and speaks like a mela that you hate his guts when he isn't offering you a gig in a Telenor ad worth 3 lakhs.

What's difficult is what I do. Have a spine and stick to your morals despite the outcome.

We work for criminals. All of us. If not directly, I'm positive the guy YOU work for, TOTALLY works for one. But as long as they keep wearing their white shirts and black ties and secure their bad habits behind locked doors, its ok. I guess if you don't find out about it, it never really happened.

It takes one explosion, 13 killed and a confession beaten out of a man belonging to some so called terrorist group to warp your entire reality. I can't believe I live on the same planet as such a weak and ignorant species. Even animals know more than we do. We've never seen how they behave when we don't have a camera shoved in their face.

In fact the same goes for men.

I wish I was strong enough to keep things inside though. That takes serious strength. Pretending to be role models for people we THINK are living their daily lives based on the actions of their heroes. It does nothing but soften these already pudding headed bastards lining the streets of this city like maggots on a corpse.

Reality. It's the key to healthy living. And not the kind of reality that's followed by the word TV to make for some of the most watched programming in the world today. Let me tell you something (like that's not what I've been doing so far), true reality doesn't MAKE it to television. A human being's behaviour immediately changes when they know more than the 3 people in the room at the time are going to be seeing it. Everyone's a fucking star today. Was a time once when it required skill, artistry, a command over certain entertaining traits and something downright SPECIAL to be one.

Now it requires a lack of shame and morality...and the ability to do ANYTHING for a piece of printed paper with some dude's face on it whose name you can't even remember.

Your vices are the FIRST thing a stranger should know about you.

Your so called virtues, the last. If he or she should happen to be forgiving enough to still wanna find out more about you once they learn you're a man who prefers to be drunk by 12:30 in the afternoon because you like to get it out of the way.

You know?