Chapter 28.
Announce Our Intelligence
You know what's worse than your politicians pissing in your backyard? Some other country's politicians pissing in your backyard. No body, no proof, buried in the ocean before anyone even confirmed what had happened, you heard it everywhere first. Osama Bin Laden is dead. And so close to the Royal wedding too. I knew something was up when Pakistani news channels suddenly found the balls to show a couple kiss on national TV. I imagine it's ok when royalty does it but Meera can suck it because she's just a whore trying to further her career. I knew a big ass white wedding (and I do mean WHITE) and the world's most notorious public enemy being caught and killed over the same fucking weekend is too much of a feel good overdose for everyone in the West for it to be able to end well for anyone in the East.
Abbottabad? Seriously? Did we really need this kind of attention? For all we know the guy's walking around with a big ol' smile on his shaven unrecognizable face in the middle of New York, laughing at the headlines, standing shoulder to shoulder with idiots holding candles at ground zero using their one free hand to tweet their feelings.
So your ministers have finally started treating this country like the failing business it's always been credited as. They immediately announce our intelligence had no involvement in the operation that killed him and the 5 or 6 members of his posse, forgetting what a basketful of douches they looked like that 25 Navy Seals can fly into someone's private residence on 4 helicopters in the middle of Abbottabad and they don't have a clue it's even happening. Not to mention the house was less than half a fucking mile from our most revered military training academy, which probably cost the men in black robes a little bit extra.
Does anyone even really think this is real? C'mon...give me ONE photograph. And not now that you have all the time in the world to doctor one to your liking and send it out, one of which is already out there. Yes, it's fake. They're usually all about the autopsies...this time the man considered to be the most horrible thing since Hitler (before FOX news compared him to Obama) is killed and tossed underwater before news of his death even hits the press, and why? Now we're following Islamic burial laws.
You gotta give it to them. They've done it again. In the face of the impossible scenario that a black man would have trouble being elected for a second tenure as president (sarcasm check), and a man who runs a reality show called The Celebrity Apprentice, wearing something on his head that can only be described as roadkill being the predicted frontrunner in next year's U.S elections, it only seems right that the one move that could serve as a saving grace for Mr. Yes We Can is to be remembered as the guy under whose term the beard was killed. Not caught. Killed. What a hero. He sat through the entire operation in a small room, watching intently at a screen as a man with a camera for some reason was allowed to click away in a room where discretion is ordinarily the number one concern.
You'd think they'd make a bigger noise about this. I thought it'd go on for a few days atleast but Osama's death is already sharing airtime with a whole bunch of other issues like some orphanage in Zambia and more locally, something about our political parties signing some paper joining hands in an effort to be useless as a TEAM from now on instead of individually. I don't mind of course, world keeps on turning...I'm just surprised is all. Almost like they wanna wrap this thing up real quick and make a huge thing that'll draw on for months and months. Something like why the fuck he was chilling in a fucking HOUSE in your God damn country.
Apart from all the twisted propaganda and lies that will surely follow in the coming months...I would like to clear one thing up...there's no way I'm believing that glorified SHACK they found him in was a million dollar piece of property. I doubt load shedding even spared the poor bastard and his last moments on Earth probably went by fanning his hot sweaty face with this month's copy of The Jihadi Times. But since the Yanks probably paid for it they'd know better.
So the aftermath? More bombs? More deaths? Politicians stuffing their pockets with proverbial peanuts and securing mansions in European countries while U.S forces use this incident as an excuse to increase their presence here? I don't know. But like I said. This country is more like a company going bankrupt now. A merger or takeover ensures its survival for atleast a short while. And like any merger, its only smart to leave the employees to their jobs since they know the work better. Always use locals whenever you can. Masses tend to trust faces they recognise more than a stranger.
But thank you, Osama Bin Laden, for dying and giving the global press ample footage of something we've all wanted to see for a very long time. Finally, those holier than thou Yankee Doodles with their skin deep falsified sense of political correctness can be seen jumping up and down celebrating someone's death like the uneducated, backward brown people they fear so much who burn flags and party their asses off every time a white guy gets so much as run over by a car. We now have footage of mass ignorant behaviour by these guys holding signs saying rude things to a deceased man. The East and the West are now truly one, thanks to Osama Bin Laden.
By the way...for those of you who don't know...as a result of this incident the most wanted man in the world is now Robert Pattinson.
