Relax A Bit

Chapter 10.

Wanting To Own

I went to the Basement Cafe again last Thursday. Something about the people there makes me edgy. They always want to TALK. An hour and a half into the night I had consumed enough alcohol to kill a German shepherd. I spent the remainder of the night trying to fit myself on a stone slab, which is not good times for a slightly overweight man. Not Amjad Khan in his last 3 films kind of overweight, just like a "I don't like walking against the wind cuz it makes my fat peoples shirt cling to my form which is not, well, very FORMLY" kinda way. I was talking to some dude once. A fat dude. He told me I should join a gym. Imagine how hard it is for a man to keep a straight face when a 200 pound man tells YOU to join a gym. Of course I didn't let that last because he WAS in some gym. I asked him which one:

FAT DUDE: Yaar it's a kickass gym. So many hot chicks come there too. It's like ALLLL CO ED LIKE! It's a famous one man, perhaps you've heard of it. It's called 'SHAPES'.

Lodhi: Shapes eh, lardo? How long before they actually GIVE you one?

He wasn't amused.

I often become very strange around a lot of beautiful crazy people. I feel so much at home that I act out the psychological equivalent of kicking back and taking off your shoes in a formal surrounding, which usually means I start talking to myself. It comes quite naturally, something about the wordplay since I always know whats coming...in my own mind I have such witty replies to everything.

Soon it was as I had feared. Even though the drinking had, to some extent, made me bolder, I now found myself surrounded by a strange sense of paranoia. I wondered if I was being too damn loud. I started thinking people are watching me, just staring. Which is a bad place to be in when you just want to be alone. Not to mention what it does for your self esteem when a woman wearing a pink hijaab is singing Savage Garden songs on stage and more people are watching YOU instead of HER. She was nice though, and despite my terrible memory, I do feel I gave her some nice advice on singing. Something along the lines of not giving a damn and just letting it loose so she can find her comfort zone. We all need to relax a bit.

Why is it that there are so many bankers every week at the Basement?

I just find it amusing how they're always jumping to give people their cards is all. Like I don't believe he works in a bank. If there was only some NICE way of letting them know that I'm not making that face because I don't believe them, it's just a reflex action to hearing the word BANKER that my face goes all strange like that. I'm not fond of money, or any material posessions for that matter. If you've ever seen the clothes I wear, you will understand. Guess that's why I never had the kind of drive other people had to say, get into college for instance. You'd be surprised how many people plan their entire lives and what they want to do IN them by setting a goal as shallow as wanting to own a Lexus some day. But hey, atleast that's A goal.

It's not like I don't like ANYTHING material though. I did get myself a cap and 4 shirts from my trip to India recently. Other than that just a whole bunch of memories and lessons that I'd better write down before I forget. I remember the people are generally nicer there, because they're not so busy trying to join or promote or defend of OFFEND some sect or the other in their OWN religion like it was a fan club full of retards. They just go about their business all day and all night, and in return they get peace. They rarely look in over the borderline into Pakistan and stop their shit to collect gossip on what WE'RE doing with our nuclear programs...which is the complete opposite of the way we spend 78 percent of our taxes on sending spies, collecting data and information, recon and God knows what else on the Indians and their activities. Which isn't saying much because after the corrupt government officials nab most of THAT, we realise that only about 20 percent of Pakistani's even BOTHER paying taxes.

Did you know that there are ROAD taxes? These are taxes that were supposedly enforced on us by the government before we even HAD roads.

I don't like money.

I don't like material things.

It corrupts people.